I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
