the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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