he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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