Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? šš
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Having Fatherās Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. āHey dad just calling to say I love you.ā While Iām navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Fatherās Day.
Randomize
