Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How external is "for external use only"?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
