just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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