phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
