why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
