i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
