I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
