I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She even gives head with a lisp.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
