Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
