So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The Olympian is in my bed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
