Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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