I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
