Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
