what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
