Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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