I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This beer is not sobering me up at all
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
