you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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