Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you inspire me to be a worse person
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
