I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
