I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
