I'm really into asian looking animals
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
