I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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