Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
