Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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