She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
