the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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