I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
