My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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