I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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