So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
