and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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