I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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