Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
