He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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