I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
