you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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