just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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