Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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