I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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