She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
