this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
