Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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