I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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