The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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