literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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