THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm really busy with my period
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
