So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
FUCK WHALES
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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