Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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