come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
