What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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