just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
