Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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