I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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