Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
