Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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