It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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