dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
