I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
