I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
