if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
