I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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