He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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