Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
