you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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