I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Can I color on your dick again?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
