Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
