No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
