They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm both gender and math confused
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