I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize