I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
