someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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