the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
