the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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