shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
