Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
