I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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