Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
