this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
