I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
