I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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