i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
