She's JV to your varsity
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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