I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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