we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
