what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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