Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
