i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
