I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
