whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
