Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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