hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
