So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
