If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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