I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
