she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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