If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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