Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
