I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I touched a dick in church today
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
